Divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but it can be especially hard on children. Children won’t be able to fully understand why their family is falling apart, and may even blame themselves for the divorce. Although you won’t be able to completely eliminate the pain your child is feeling because of divorce, there are things you can do to help them better understand what’s happening and to heal more quickly. Below are a few recommendations for helping children deal with divorce (from Focus on the Family).
1 Make sure your own needs are met. You won’t be able to properly care for your children if you aren’t looking after your own health and wellbeing. Take advantage of your support system of friends and family by asking for help. Engage in personal time without feeling guilty.
2 Communication is key. Take time to listen to your children’s fears and discuss with them how you can overcome them together. Admit your own fears and shortcomings are and share how you plan to address them. Dealing with the problems together will make them seem less insurmountable.
3 Allow your children to be kids. Although you’re feeling additional pressure, don’t transfer the increased responsibility to your children. Let them continue on with their normal routine and activities as much as possible to minimize the disruption to their life. Even though you may be feeling sad, resist the temptation to turn to your children for comfort because this will only make them feel more worried.
4 Answer any questions honestly. Kids are very perceptive and will undoubtedly come up with some tough questions. Answering their questions as honestly as possible will help ease their concerns and build trust between you and them. Try not to make negative remarks regarding your spouse as this will only damage their relationship and make your children feel more insecure.
5 Remain optimistic about the future. Making negative comments about marriage, the opposite sex, or families will only make your children apprehensive to form their own relationships. Instead, exhibit the attitude that you hope to be happy again soon and you know that they will be happy, too.
Your children are going to look to you as a compass for how things are going to be in your family with the new dynamic. Fostering an atmosphere of teamwork and encouragement will help children to be assured that everything is going to be alright. They will follow your lead and thrive, even in these difficult circumstances.